Chapter: And So It Begins

Today’s the first day of class and shit.  I’ve got art class early. 

I follow this old lady in.  She starts to go to the front, and I go to the back, like usual. 

The old lady stops, and like turns to look at me.  “Plenty of room up front”, she says – oh, I guess she’s the teacher.  She’s looking at me like she’s the teacher.

Well, I’m not sitting up there.   I find a seat, in the back. Like usual.

But she doesn’t get mad.  She keeps smiling.  It's weird. “Will you be joining us in Art for the Artless?”, she says.

“Uh, yeah”, I say.  I pull my chair out. “McIrish.” 

“Welcome, Tarik!”, she says.

"It's TAR-"...what?

“I’ve always liked the name Tarik.  Such a beautiful name.  It means ‘Morning Star’”, she says. 

Huh.  Ma always told me it meant ‘late for dinner’.  What kind of teacher is this, man?  She actually knows my name, and shit. Weird.

She's still smiling and now she's moving up to the front.  "Please join me", she says.

She said 'please'.

Shit.

I move up to the front.

So then class starts.  It’s okay, I guess.  For class. The teacher tells us to call her Maddie.  She says she is going to help us "unlock our artistic potential".  Potential.  Like, I know I don't have any of that. And this like, skater dude - on the other side of class? - he like, laughs.  Like, I guess he doesn't either, ha.

But the teacher - oh, Maddie, right - yeah, she doesn't get mad, she smiles at him.  “The administration insists on calling this class 'Art for the Artless'”, she says.  "But none of us are truly artless", and she smiles at him again, and then she turns and smiles at me.

Then we're supposed to talk about like, if we’ve ever done stuff before, like art, whatever, and we’re supposed to tell her about our previous “body of work”.  Shit, no-one told me gym would be involved.

Maddie turns to look at me again. "No gym", she says.  I guess I said that part out loud. "Tell us about your art. Share with us the projects you've done before.  Why don't you start, Tarik?"

So, I tell her about the art I did when I was a kid.  (I leave out the part about eating the paste.)  And then she tells me, that this term, no macaroni. 

“It’s time to expand your horizons, Morning Star”, she says, and she gives me a sketchbook.  I know.  And she wants me to use it.

Man.

"Man", says Jed, at lunch.  "What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know", I say, and I like chug a whole energy drink, but like, it doesn't help.  

Anyway.  Today Jed has nerd class late.  So like, he asks me to go to his class with him.

“It’s Professor Benford.  He makes me nervous”, says Jed. 

Like who doesn’t, buddy.  “Okay”, I say.  Just like high school.  I bought some magazines at the student union just in case, ha.  They're already in my backpack.

Jed goes in first, like usual.  It looks weird, man.  It looks like the building is swallowing him up.

We get to the classroom early. Yeah, Jed does that, man. But it's cool cause I have the magazines ready.  So we're like, in class forever, waiting, until finally another old lady comes in.  “Welcome to our latest session of Applied Temporal Studies.  I’m Dean Margaret Modell”, she says.  She looks at all of us and she like gives me a dirty look.  I like, close the centerfold up.  Then she looks at Jed and she gets this really gooey smile. Ew.

“We have some good news and some bad news”, she says, looking at Jed like she wants to eat him up.  Then she finally looks at someone else.  “Unfortunately, Professor Benford has been – called away on other business and will be unable to teach this term.”

The other nerdburgers in class are like disappointed. Huh.  I guess Jed isn’t the only one who knew who he was.  Jed is like, “Oh man.”  He's like all relaxed now.

“I know”, says the Dean lady.  “It’s a disappointment not to have Professor Benford with us. But we hope you will be as excited as we are about our substitute instructor.  He’s come to us all the way from Sim Francisco”, and then her voice gets all quiet, “although originally of course, he’s come to us from much farther away…” 

The other nerdburgers are getting all excited, but Jed’s like, stopped breathing.  Dean lady says, “He’s written the primary text in the field,  “Temporal Travel 101 – “

Dean lady’s like, still talking but Jed just plonked on the desk.  I like, shake him.  “Dude. Jed. Bro. Wake up. Big nerd coming.”  But he’s out.

“-- please give a warm Midcentralburg welcome to...Professor Eli Morlock!”  Dean lady like waves to the door and this dude walks in.  He looks like some dude from the movies.  Like Simlock Holmes or something.

“Greetings”, he says – oh man, he talks like Simlock Holmes too.  The other nerdburgers are like clapping and stuff.  There’s a girl – oh, hey, nice rack – who looks like she’s gonna pass out too.  Teacher-dude is like smiling, like especially at the girl, and then he looks at me and he kind of looks surprised.  And then he sees Jed and he’s like, “Ah!”

“I’m Professor Eli Morlock”, he says. “I’m honored to be your Applied Temporal Studies instructor for this term. I’m sure this will prove to be a very exciting – “, he’s like looking at Jed – “class.” Now he’s looking at me. “I do prefer to observe the little formalities”, he says.  “Let us start with introductions.”  He waves at the students at the other end of the class.

I like shake Jed again but he’s out.  Morlock-dude keeps looking over at us.  It’s gonna be our turn next.  Well Jed’s turn, but I guess it’s me.  I start to say something but Morlock-dude says something first.

“Before we meet the remaining students, let us observe what you Midcentral-ites call a ‘Biology Break’”, he says. “And then we shall reconvene in the Temporal Studies Laboratory.  Please be there in 15 minutes.”

The other students kind of look around but then they go and it’s just the three of us.

“You are Mister McIrish, I assume”, says Morlock-dude.

Whoa.  How’d he know that?  These Uni teachers are smart, man.

“You are Mister Wainwright’s proxy, I understand.”

I have no idea what that means. “I’m his BROTHER”, I say.

“Quite”, says Morlock-dude.  “I think perhaps it would be best if I met your brother at another time, before our next class.  What do you think?”

“Uh, yeah”, I say.

“Splendid”, says Morlock-dude.  “I shall leave you then.  Here is my contact information”, he hands me two business cards.  “Please call me at any time if I can be of any assistance to your brother.  I would like to invite you both to dinner Thursday night – my treat – so that we may get better acquainted in more comfortable surroundings.”

“Uh, yeah”, I say.

“Quite”, says Morlock-dude, and he leaves.

I sit there for a while, and catch up on the magazines, until finally Jed starts moving again.  Then he sits up really fast.

“Tair”, he says.  He looks around.  And then he makes this like sickening noise.

“Dude, it’s okay”, I say. 

Jed closes his eyes. “Was he here? Eli Morlock? When I…”

“Yeah.”  I fold up Miss Leisure Day.  “It’s cool, though, everyone else went to lab.”

“I just fainted in front of ELI MORLOCK”, he says, and he puts his head down on the desk again. But he’s still awake this time.  “They’re gonna flunk me.  I just know it.”

“Dude, he wants to take us to dinner. Like, on Thursday.”

Jed rolls his head and looks at me, then he sits up again.  “Really?”  His voice is like all squeaky.

“Yeah. You have to like, not do that at dinner”, I say. “I need to make fun of the guy, and it’s no fun if you can’t help me.” I get up.

Jed gets up, too.  He's really quiet for a minute. “But Tair”, he says. “It’s Eli Morlock.  He’s…he’s...a legend.  The first sim to build a working time machine and travel into the future.  I don’t think I can make fun of him.”

“He has stupid glasses, he dresses like Simlock Holmes, and he talks like this”, I say in a funny voice. 

Jed looks shocked.  “He does not!”

“Yes he does”, I say in the funny voice.

Jed kind of smiles a little bit but then he takes it back, if that makes sense, “No he doesn’t”.

“Yes he fucking does”, I say in the funny voice, and then I throw in Original Joe face.  You know, from the Moronic Trio? Original Joe face always makes Jed not freak out, ever since we were little.

Jed smiles for real then.  “Tair. It’s Eli Morlock.  I’m sure he’s never even seen the Moronic Trio.”

“Poor bastard”, I say in the funny voice.  And then we go out and go home.