Chapter: Makin' a Splash

Reader Advisory: More NSFW-ish Than Usual

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Jed and I usually have lunch, but he’s like, no I need more time on the machine, man.  So I get some lunch and bring him a power bar.

He's like, jumping up and down.  "TAIR! GUESS WHAT!!!”

“What?” I get all comfy.

“My circuit WORKS!  It WORKS, Tair!  I SENT A ROCK INTO THE FUTURE!   WIth THIS time machine!"

"Whoa DUDE!  That’s awesome, dude!”

“I KNOW! Tomorrow, I’m gonna do a demonstration of my circuit!"  A nerd chick comes down from this platform way up in the air and she comes up to Jed - hey, she's kind of cute, for a nerd - and she and Jed switch places.

Jed keeps talking as he goes to the other platform.  "But that's not the best part. The best part is, now that my circuit works, next term – we’re gonna take a FIELD TRIP!  INTO THE FUTURE!”

“Whoa, dude! Into the future?  Like, flying cars, and shit?”

“No man, just for a day.  We leave on a Wednesday at noon and we arrive Thursday at noon.  For YOU!  But for US,  it will just be like, SECONDS!”

“That sounds cool.  When do you get back?”

He laughs.  “We don’t!  We skip Wednesday!”

Man.  Wednesday is Hump Day Happy Hour Half Price Brews.  Who would want to skip Wednesday?

“I know, missing Wednesday kind of sucks”, says Jed – oh, I guess I said that part out loud.  “I’ll miss a whole day of lectures.  And a whole night on the machine.”  Then he gets all, excited.  “BUT!  We’ll get to Thursday even earlier, and that’s LAB DAY!  And we’ll get there by going INTO THE FUTURE!!!!”

So wrong, man.  But not as wrong as...

THAT.

“…and this is Father’s first time machine”, Precious says.  She's with this other Fruhmie girl, I guess, and they're coming over to the platform Jed started at.  “Look, here’s his name.  He signed that himself”, she says.  "The plaque was put on later.”

I look up at Jed.  I don't think he's seen her yet.  Man, he’s pretty high up there, if he freaks out he might fall….

The nerd chick talks to Precious.  “This machine is for use by the Applied Temporal Studies students only”, says the nerd chick.

“That’s us”, says Precious.

Jed makes a funny noise and Precious looks up.  She smiles like a nasty smile at Jed, and then she keeps talking to the nerd chick, but like, a little louder.

“We’re part of Dean Rooney’s General Sciences Immersion Class.  We’ll be joining you all on your field trip next term.”

I like, go towards Jed’s tower in case he jumps.  Maybe I can catch him.

“After all, it would be such a travesty if there wasn’t a real Wainwright on the trip”, Precious says, looking up at Jed.

Jed’s not saying anything, but at least he’s not freaking out.  I walk towards Precious.  “There will be”, I say.   “Jed’s like, the Wainwright dude.”

Precious looks at me and sniffs, then she looks up at Jed again.  “Temporarily”, she says.  She looks at me again, but she's like, talking to that Fruhmie chick. “Come along, Lee, this place is simply crawling with Spiffingtons”, she says.  Then she waves up at Jed.  “We’ll be back tomorrow.  When we join you all for training.”  Then she like, leaves.  Finally.

Jed looks like he wants to puke.  So I like, step to the side.  Then he makes the platform go down and then just kind of stands there.

“Fucking Precious”, I say.  “Fucking up your field trip and shit.”  

“Yeah”, he says.  “And we’re training every day.  She’ll be here all the time, now.”  Then he stops.  “Oh man”, he says.  “TAIR.  The first training class is tomorrow.  At two.  Right after I demo my anti-paradox circuit.  Can you be here?”

“Sure, man”, I say. 

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Eddy and Lexi – oh, that’s uh, Hot Girl.  Turns out Hot is really her last name – well, spelled different – and, uh,  now that we’ve, you know, done it, she wants me to call her Lexi – ANYWAY.  Eddy and Lexi met up with me after art lab.  

Eddy’s like all excited and shit now that he knows Jules is my sister.  It’s kind of weird, man.  It’s even worse since like, Jules’ swimsuit edition cover is like, a big hit.  Today he's like, hey, Fruhmie party.  “Word’s getting around about you, man.  The Fruhmie girls are all curious about Jules McIrish’s brother.”

The Fruhmie girls, that’s like the sorority, like, no way.  “No”, I say.

“They’re hot, man”, says Eddy.  "No way", I say.

 

Then Lexi’s like, hey, there’s a kegger on at the beach tonight.  “Just a few of us from the dorms", she says.  "I’m gonna be there with my girlfriend”, she says.  Girlfriend.  Dammit.  “You should go...you too, Eddy.  We're more fun than those sorority girls..."

"Hey, if it's a kegger, you should bring Ally", says Eddy.  Yeah, he’s got like a crush on her ever since she gave him a ride home from the club.

I haven't been to the beach yet, man.  Beach, hot chicks and brew, YES. “Okay”, I say.

I call Bree to see if she wants to go.

“It sounds like fun, Tarik, but I have a llama gig tonight”, she says.

“Well it’s at Llama Beach”, I say.

“My gig’s at the arena”, she says. “You say it’s at Llama Beach?  Watch out, there’s a lot of herbheads that hang out there.”

“Really?”, I say.  AWESOME.

“Yeah…sorry, sweetie, gotta go.  Call me sometime about modeling”, she says.  Huh.  She called me sweetie again, huh.

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So this is like, "the beach".  Yeahhhh.  It’s not like Sunset Valley.  No palm trees, no light house, and it doesn’t smell the same.  

"It's totally a beach", says Eddy.  "There's sand, man, and brew and chicks.  Who needs palm trees when there's brew and chicks?"

"You both make valid points", says Ally.  "As for me, I think this beach could use more fire."

Fire's cool.

I look around for the brew and Lexi, and they're like, together, go figure.  Also, the cute nerd chick from the time machine is here. We say hello.

"Hey Tarik!", says Lexi.  "Go change and then come have a brew."

I go change and when I get back, like, whoa, sunset.

I watch the sunset for a little and then I really need a brew.  Oh hey, here's Lexi again, with some chicks.  I guess one of these must be her girlfriend. Yay.

“Hey Tarik”, says Lexi.  “This is Chelle...."

"Dude", says Chelle.  The one looking at me like she wants to cut me.  Girlfriend, ha.

"Dude", I say.

"....and this is my friend Trace."

Hellooooo, Trace.

“Hey Tarik”, says Trace.  "Lexi told me about you.  All about you.”

“Make sure to ask him to sketch you”, says Lexi, and her eyebrows wiggle.  Then she walks off with her hot girlfriend who wants to cut me, and it’s just me and Trace.

"Wanna check out the bonfire?", I say.  Cause I don't know what else to say.

"Why not?", she says.  So we do.

The bonfire is like, all smoky, and it makes me wanna smoke.

"I don't know about you, but this blaze makes me wanna get blazed", she says, and she like, throws something on the fire ohmydubitsherb

DUDE.  We look at each other.

"Of course, I always wanna get blazed", she says.

DUDE. SERIOUSLY.

"Seriously", she says - oh, I guess I said that part out loud.  "Does that bother you?"

"NO", I say.  Kinda loud.  She's like startled, and then...

...not.

She laughs.  "Check this out", she says, and she starts walking back, away from the beach, towards some trees.  Oh man.  Now I know why trees are happy.  These trees come with their own herb, man.

"DUDE", I say.  "Little baby herb.  Now I really wanna smoke."

"Only thing I learned from Sim Scouting", she says.  "Be ready", and she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a little baggie of....yesssssssss.

"Man", I say, "Ma always wanted me to be a Scout.  But I didn't wanna go."  Cause Precious was like, Super Scout.  She was always bragging on her badges.  I wonder if there's a badge for being a straight-up bitch?...cause that would explain a lot.

"I didn't have any choice. You have to go in boarding school."

"Boarding school?"  I say.  "Like, Fort Starch?  Uniforms, and shit?"

"Fort Starch?", she says.  I think.  Cause she's laughing.  "Uniforms? Here's what I think of uniforms..."   She like puts the baggie back in her pocket - oh man....

....uh....



...baggie can wait.

By the time I'm out out of the trees, she's already way down the beach.  She's running away from the bonfire, away from where the kegs are, and like, she doesn't stop til she's in the water.  So like, neither do I.  Although it takes me a while to catch up.

She's fast, man.  She was probably on the track team at naked boarding school.  Man. I wish I could have gone to naked boarding school, man.  I wonder where that is.  "You had an awesome boarding school, man", I say.  "Which one was it?"

She's like, quiet for a minute.  "It wasn't really a boarding school", she says.  "I just say that cause it's easier."

"Well then what was it?", I say.  Maybe they'll take transfer students. HA!

"More like an orphanage", she says.

Whoa.

"...don't be sad", she says.  "It is what it is."  She turns so like, her boobs pop out of the water, but I feel so bad I don't even look.  Mostly.  "The orphanage part wasn't so bad", she says.  "You can't miss what you never had.  But the rest of it, man.  They're hard-ass about their routines.  Rules, rules, rules. That's not me.  I wasn't meant for it.  For routines. Like bed check. Or Scouting. Or University..."

"Uni's okay", I say.  Huh.  Did I just say that?

"It's not for me", she says again, and then she like, starts to tread water.  "I'm leaving after this term", she says.

Oh, man.

"Time to move on", she says.  "See the world.  Bridgeport.  Lucky Palms.  Someday Champs Les Sims..."

Oh, man.  Dude seriously cool hot chick Trace is leaving and we haven't even had a smoke.  Let alone done it.

She laughs and splashes me.  "I haven't left yet", she says.  "I've got a few things I've gotta do first.  For one, Lexi says I shouldn't leave until you sketch me."

"I didn't bring my sketchbook ....", and now she's laughing again.

"Tarik. I want you to SKETCH ME", and she like takes my hand....OH.

Woohoo on the beach, man, I thought that was just a drink.  HAAAAAAAA!

When we get back to the beach, everyone's gone, except for some people over by the trees.  I think they're doing what we were doing, ha.  So we sit by the fire and have our smoke.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.

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I make it back to the house and Ally's already up.  Dammit, Ally.  "Well, you must have had a good time", she says.  "I took Eddy home.  Again."

"Thanks", I say.

Ally shrugs.  "He won't even remember he was there", she says.  "Did you check your phone?"

"I'm checking it now", I say, and there's like five texts from Jed to be at the time machine thingie for his big demonstration.  Oh man, I almost forgot.

"Yeah", says Ally.  "I got 'em too."

"Ally, we gotta go.  Like, no shit gotta go.  Precious is gonna be there", I say.

"Precious?  Shit...okay, grab some coffee and let's go.  If Precious pulls any crap, I’ll take care of her, and you take care of Jed”, she says. We fist bump as we go out the door.

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So Jed meets us at the gate.  He's not freaking out yet, thank dub.  “Hey guys”, he says.  “Only the class can be up at the machine, but there’s a place for visitors over here.”

Ally and I look at each other.  “Are you okay, man?” says Ally.

“Yeah”, says Jed.  “Sometimes I get a little nervous when I’m excited.”  Ally and I look at each other like, really?  

Jed doesn’t see cause he’s pointing at the time machine.  “I’m gonna do my demo with the time machine.  It's gonna be awesome!”

We're like, yeah.  If you don't freak out.  But we don't say that.  “We’ll uh, be over here.  If you need us", says Ally.

“Thanks, guys. I need you to watch”, Jed says, and he goes up to the platform and we go over where he showed us.

Some other students come up, and Jed’s professor, that Morlock-dude, and then Ally says, “Here we go”.   

Precious shows up with some really old dudes.  One of the old dudes shakes Morlock-dude’s hand and the other one sticks with Precious as she walks up to the platform Jed’s setting up on.

“I want to be on my father’s platform”, says Precious.

“I see”, says Morlock-dude.  “As it happens, that platform is reserved for-“

“I want it.  Boyd Wainwright is my father, and I want to stand where he stood”, says Precious.  She looks up at the old guy with her. “I want it.”

The old guy with Precious glares at Jed like he did something wrong. “Surely this young gentleman can accommodate a loving daughter’s request”, he says to Jed.

Morlock-dude looks like he’s gonna stick up for Jed but Jed’s like, no.  Dammit, Jed.  

“It’s okay”, says Jed.  “She can have it.  I can do my demo from over here, but I’ll need to set up again.”  He walks over to one of the other platforms and she walks up to where Jed was.    She’s like, smiling that evil smile, and he’s like, looking at the ground and shit. 

Ally’s like, I just wanna kick her ass and I’m like, I’ll help.

Morlock-dude looks like he wouldn’t mind kicking her ass, either.  “Quite. While we reconfigure our demonstration to accommodate our visitors, perhaps an introduction to our machine would be in order.”  So Morlock-dude starts lecturing, like, this is a time machine and shit, yeah yeah, when all of a sudden Precious screams. 

We all look at her.  Whoa.  She’s looking up into the sky like, what, and she’s like, soaking wet.  Like, a little cloud just rained on her.  Or like, a really big bird.  Maybe that flock of geese that's always flying around?   She pulls her sweater off.  “This is CASHMERE!” she says.  “And now it’s RUINED!”

The old guy with Precious looks at the other old guy and says, “I thought you said this machine was safe?”

Most of us are laughing our asses off, but Morlock-dude actually looks concerned.  “That is most unfortunate”, says Morlock-dude.  “To our guests, I regret that we must postpone our demonstration for today.  Thank you for coming. Students, perhaps we should all reconvene in the classroom, and continue our training with a discussion of what constitutes appropriate apparel for our temporal excursion next term….” 

Ally’s like, “Oh, that sucks for Jed, man.”

Yeah it does.  “Fucking Precious.”

Precious is like, “I’ll SUE!” and shit but finally the old dude with her is like, dude, you’re totally transparent.   They go off, and then Morlock-dude and all the students go off to do whatever.

 Jed comes down from the platform and comes over to talk to us.

“That was awesome, what happened to Precious”, says Ally.

“Yeah man”, I say.

“Yeah”, says Jed. 

“Too bad it fucked up your demo, man”, says Ally.  “What was it gonna be?”

“Send a bucket of water an hour into the future”, says Jed. 

And then he says “OOF” when Ally and I like, tackle him.