Yeah, so we ended up at her place, but like, we didn't get there until really early in the morning and then we fell asleep. Well, me. So we didn't uh, you know.
And then when I wake up, she's already out of bed and like, hey, breakfast. And I'm hungry, so yeah, breakfast. I ask her if afterwards she wants to, uh, you know.
But she has to go to a mascot thing "with Skip". Skip. Skip is that like, frat dude. And also like, the quarterback. And the centerfielder. Count Jockula. Whatever.
We don't say anything for awhile, and then she asks me about art lab.
"You're in Maddie's class, aren't you?", she says. "I model for her, sometimes. I was supposed to model for her a couple of weeks ago, but she was sick and we had to reschedule."
Oh, man. We could have had Bree model for us instead of those old dudes. SHIT. "I hope it's soon", I say. “We got another assignment.”
She laughs. "Well, I can model for my special customers by appointment."
I think of Bree modeling for us and I have another bite.
"Tarik", she says. I look up. "If you need help with your assignment, I'll model for you", she says. "We can even do it outside of class", she says. "Come on, I've gotta go", and we clean up. She gives me a kiss on the cheek. As I go out the door she says, "Call me."
So I go out to the street. And then I call her.
"I need help with my assignment. Will you model for me?", I say.
I can hear her without the phone, she's right behind me. "Tarik, sweetie. I meant call me LATER", she says.
"Will you model for me, Later?", I say.
"Ohhhhhhh, Tarik. Call me. After dinner", she says, and then like rides away.
Jed texts me before I get home. I think he's gonna be upset cause I didn't come home last night. But it turns out HE didn't come home last night. WHAT. We meet for lunch.
"All nighter at the library", he says. He's like all excited, which, is just wrong. "How about you, how was the club?" I told him I was going to a club...I left out the part about the dancing girls. And now I definitely leave out the part about Ally and Jules and Bree, cause he looks kind of happy.
"It was okay", I say. "How was your study thing? Did you work on your pair of ducks?"
"Paradox", he says. "Anti-paradox circuit. It's coming along...Tair! You need to come out to the laboratory next time you're at the quad. It's AWESOME. Really! They set the demonstration time engine out for us to study. Usually they don't let the students use it on their own. But Professor Morlock is letting me use it to test my anti-paradox circuit."
"Whoa, dude", I say. "You're studying a time machine? Like for real?"
"I KNOW!" he says. "It's just the demonstration model...and it's not fully functional right now - you can just monitor the time stream. But once my anti-paradox circuit works, they'll let me send a rock! INTO THE FUTURE!...well, just an hour. BUT! I'm gonna send a rock...an hour...INTO THE FUTURE! It's so cool, Tair!"
"That sounds awesome", I say. "How far can you go back? Like, can you go back to before lunch time? Cause that Quadruple Bacon Explosion Burger was really bacon-y, and I would like to do it again." Or wait, maybe go back to before Bree dumped me. Like, the last time we used the evil bed. Yeahhh....
"You can't go back", says Jed. "That's what the anti-paradox circuit does. You can't go back...I wouldn't go back anyway. Going back is very dangerous." He gets like all quiet.
Yeah, and I know why now, cause, like Ally told me about his grandmother when we were 'breaking in the living room', man. I mean, yeah, the living room, it was there before, but it was like, Jed's study crib. It was even too boring to take a nap in there, man.
But now Jed's moved into the garage - like no shit, he's moved one of the beds in there, like he has to be in there ALL THE TIME - but it's kind of cool, cause he wants me and Ally to come over and watch Trio with him, and he let us keep the brew fridge for when we visit.
Of course, we can't smoke in there any more. And Ally and me had to put some brew in the big fridge, for when Jed's like "conducting an experiment which is very temperamental so you guys can't drink in here!!!" Yeah. And since Jed's in the garage now, we moved the big-ass bong to the living room, and it's like, next to the herb planter, which has actual herb in it, HA!...our very own herb, man. We call it "Tarik Rarik"...okay, I call it that, shit. Ally calls it "better not kill that fucking plant" and Jed calls it "TAIR! Whatever that is, don't smoke it in the garage".
ANYWAY. The herb's still kind of little, so me and Ally were having some brews, and I like, asked her about Jed's grandma. Like, I've been wondering, since after we had dinner with Morlock-dude? Why Jed like, never talks about her, and shit.
"You don't know...? You really don't know. History class, dude. Seriously?"
I'm like, what. History class was right after lunch, man, primo nap time.
She's like, pfft. "Jed's Grandma's gone. Poof."
Whoa. "Poof, like, dead?"
"Poof like ... no-one knows", she says. "She went out in their time machine. The one Boyd keeps in the basement. Just took off. Didn't tell anyone. Not even Jed's Mom...which makes sense, actually, cause, she like, broke the law and shit." Jed's Mom is, like, a cop. "She went back into the past without permission, which is like, serious jail time."
"Where'd she go?", I say.
Ally shakes her head. "Like I said. No-one knows. She just didn't come home one night. And then Boyd found the time machine was missing. The next day, Jed's Mom got a letter in the mail, from Jed's Grandma. All it said was, 'Goodbye'. But it was like, postmarked before Jed's Mom was even born."
"Whoa", I say.
"Right? Then like, a few days later, the time machine was back without her and she'd like, erased all the data, you know, covered her tracks. And she did something to the time machine, so it didn't work the same any more, and no one could follow her."
"Maybe she went to the future", I say. "Like, flying cars, and shit."
"Maybe", she says.
I'm like, whoa. Jed's Grandma sounds kind of bad-ass. "Why'd she go?"
"No-one knows...except maybe Boyd. Boyd doesn't like to talk about it...", she smiles, "so of course I ask him, every Snowflake Day. Never get an answer, though."
Losing bad-ass Grandma, that must have been hard for Jed. No wonder he doesn't want to talk about it. "How old was Jed?", I ask.
She shakes her head. "Nah, he never knew her. It was before any of us were born. The same year the meteor hit", she says.
Meteor? "What meteor?"
"What do you mean, 'what meteor'? How many meteors have there been? The one that took out the old cop house", she says.
Meteor? Cop house? That explains a lot. "So that's why the cops were always like, at the diner", I say.
"No, the cops hang out at the diner cause that's where the donuts are, cause the meteor took out the bakery, too", she says. "Please tell me you're joking, yeah?...it's not that you really don't know about....DUB. How do you not know this stuff, man?"
"Well how do you know so much about cops?", I say.
She glares at me. "Not by choice", she says. "I'm related to one, thanks to that fucking rock. That meteor's how we all got screwed", and then she chugs like, a lot.
"How?", I say, and I chug like, a lot, cause I have to keep up. HA!
"When Jed's Grandma disappeared, Jed's Mom got kinda messed up", she says. "I mean, she's a cop, yeah, and now her Mom's like a big criminal, right? And also missing. And then, boom, meteor." She goes to the brew fridge and grabs us each a cold one. "Jed's Mom lost her partner in that", she says. "To hear Boyd tell it - and we always do, every year on Snowflake Day - that's when she really went nuts. Like, 'disgrace to the family' nuts." She takes a long drink. "And that's when she ended up with the asshole, and...", she chugs like the rest of the bottle, "...also when Boyd ended up with Mom", she says finally.
Whoa. Like, I never thought about Jed's grandma before, but... "So if Jed's grandma hadn't, like, gone out in her time machine, then his grandpa would never have married your Mom, and like...NO FUCKING PRECIOUS", I say.
"Yeah", Ally says. She takes another drink and we don't say anything for a while. "But there's always something, man. Jed's Grandma coulda stayed home, and then maybe Boyd wouldn't be with Mom...but then there's still the meteor, right? I mean, if that hadn't happened, Jed's Mom would still be with her partner, and the asshole would have ended up with someone else...who knows, maybe the asshole would have ended up with Mom again..." She kinda looks bummed.
Wait. "But if Jed's Mom doesn't hook up with the asshole..."
"...Jed's Mom wouldn't have had any of her evil spawn..."
No. Wrong. "Jed, man..."
"Shit", she says, and chugs some more. "Jed."
"The asshole has to end up with Jed's Mom", I say. And then I look around to make sure Ma isn't like, hiding behind the couch, waiting to get me.
"Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying", says Ally. "Always something. No meteor, no Jed. And of course, he's one of the only fuckin' people in my fuckin' huge family that I actually fuckin' like. So... I guess this is what's supposed to fuckin' happen." She holds out her bottle and I clink it.